Finding an INFJ might be the equivalent of trying to find a unicorn, but if you have found a quirk little weirdo you want to try and woo, here’s a list of how you can do just that.
Do: Ask for her phone number.
Don’t: Ply her with compliments. You don’t go around telling your best friend how lovely his eyes are every five seconds, do you? No, because you’re not trying to get in his pants. You’re not trying to sleep with her at this point, you’re trying to befriend her.
Do: Ask her questions.
Don’t: Just ask her questions. If you can get her to open up, laugh, etc… then in her mind she is one step closer to getting what she wants. You, as the chaser, need to contribute, too.
Do: Attempt to break the touch barrier by orienting yourself around her, go for a high five or show her a part of the secret handshake you and your brother made up when you were kids.
An INFJ is going to be conscious of her personal space so take this slow, but you should also be the one to initiate the contact in some way. You saying, “I’ve been feeling a bit out of it/sick lately” or whatever, should prompt her to put her hand on your forehead or your cheeks.
Show her something on you, a scar on your hand or on your leg, but only as it may happen to pertain to the conversation. Don’t be gross, people. Be like, oh, I just got this new sweater, and it’s the softest thing I’ve ever felt, it’s truly heaven, and offer her your sleeve.
Hugging might be a little more difficult though. Hugging is an advanced move at this stage, so proceed with caution. If you’re entering or leaving a place with a bunch of other people, give someone else a goodbye hug or a hello kiss on the cheek first then go for her.
It will seem natural and a lot less forced if she sees you’re that way with everyone. Though, if you’re already a hugger then after you’ve already established a basis of touch then going for a hug might not seem that odd to her.
Don’t: Ask for a hug, that’s creepy.
Don’t: Touch her unnecessarily. No hand on the small of her back, no hand on the knee, no wandering hands while dancing, etc… Just don’t be creepy. You want her to like you as a person first, not sign her other friends up to roadblock you when you try to talk to her.
Do: Subtly let her know you are single, if she doesn’t know this already.
Don’t: Badmouth your ex, talk about “all you women,” or bemoan your single status. This will just make you look pathetic. Since INFJs so easily pick up on your emotions, this will be a drag.
Do: Listen to her when she talks, go along with her when she says something weird or philosophical. INFJs love to talk about random stuff because their minds are always going. Make sure you can keep up or at least try too, odds are she’ll still think your trying is endearing if nothing else.
Don’t: Pretend to be someone you’re not. Nobody wants a pushover. She wants a friend who is going to expand her horizons. So if she says something stupid or takes a stance that you don’t agree with then be honest.
She loves to hear different points of views and learn exactly how you came to such and such decision. Be honest, because even little lies that you think will placate her or make her like you more will not be tolerated.
Do: Tell her about your interests. If she likes you, she’ll show genuine interest in the things you like. Tell her about a show you really like or a book series.
If she likes you, this is a good way to tell, because she will research and watch the heck out of that idiotic show, sports thing, or whatever you like because while it isn’t exactly her cup of tea, you are.
Do: Ask her to hang out one-on-one. And by that I mean something during the day. “You have great taste will you help me pick out a new couch for my living room?” “You like art, I’m stuck between these two pieces as a gift for my mom for her birthday.” “I need a new shirt, do you think you could meet me and help me choose?”
Is she active in the community? Find out where she volunteers, and ask if you could come along. You need help writing a song, painting your living room, puppy sitting, ask for her help, especially if it is in her area of expertise or interest so she can feel more in her element.
INFJs will often feel compelled to help someone. They like being needed because so few people really take the time to listen to them or take their advice in the first place because they seem very introverted.
Do: Share things with her. She’s interested in a book or a movie that you just so happen to own? Let her borrow it. She’s cold? Offer up your jacket.
Your things are an extension of you, plus you can drop it off at her place or she can bring it back to yours, which equals more chitchat, more time to talk, more time to get to know each other one on one, etc… and it will also give you more stuff to talk about.
Do: Only see her. INFJs don’t like that kind of competition, and they will expect 100% loyalty even if you’re just kind of seeing each other. She needs to know that you are in this just as much or more than she is.
Don’t: Try and make her jealous because she will think you have no interest in her, and will promptly drop you for being so fickle. Don’t try to make an INFJ jealous, just don’t, she will not respond like you want her to.
Do: Be serious with your affections. INFJs do not like flakey people because that means that you are unsteady or flighty, and she just can’t deal with that. If she’s entertaining the idea of you then she’s thinking about something that’s going to last more than a couple of months. Typically, she doesn’t want a fling, but something more serious.
Do: Make sure that the steps you are making are okay with her. You should know her well enough by now to know what’s okay and what’s not okay. Use your head, and if you’re still having trouble ask her.
Do: Make a move. Ask her out. Make sure she knows it’s a date, tell her how you feel and how she makes you feel. INFJs love the mushy junk, but only if it’s appropriate. Just go for it after that.